THE INTERNET BACHELOR: APRIL LOVE$ EDITION

THE GAME IS LIVE.

Eight girls. One crown. One queen who's already wearing it.

✨ ENJOY THE MAGIC ✨

Welcome to the Internet Bachelor with THE DJ$ DJ - ATTRACTING, NOT CHA$ING.. the VERY IMPORTANT PRINCE$$, VIP ... ONE DAY, IF THE DJ$ DJ I$ A GOOD, CHARMING, TRUSTWORTHY, STRONG, TRUTHFUL, LOVING, KIND, BADASS, BOSS, LEADER, AND HUSBAND (IF LUCKY) ... THE QUEEN$ QUEEN and THE DJ$ DJ - will finally UNITE!

A real-time LOVE $TORY: APRIL LOVE$: LOVE WITHOUT RU$H, PERO DE VERDAD.

It's unfolding across albums, songs, social media, YouTube, live shows, and a world built just for this moment.

APRIL LOVE$ dropped today.


WAIT, AND THE DAY BEFORE... APOLLO 19: $UN KIND-A HERO... LAUNCHED? NO ONE KNEW... NO ONE.

TWO ALBUM$: NO PRE$$. NO GAME.
$ILICON VALLEY TECH MEET$ HOLLYWOOD MAGIC,
CREATIVE MU$CLE OF BRAND + DESIGN...

THE ENTERTAINMENT INDU$TRY NEEDED A "NIP" - TO GET IT$ HU$TLE BACK. WELCOME, TO THE MEMBERTRIP.

The clues are everywhere. The mystery is real. The stakes? A million-dollar first booking (sunset only, 90 minutes, non-negotiable) plus $200K to charity. $1.2 million total. It's happening now.

Here's the truth: there's really only one queen in this game. THE QUEEN$ QUEEN. JD. Still the VIP. Very Important Princess. AMAZONIAN QUEEN MEETS BARBIE WITH BRAIN$ AND BIGGER HEART, FLYING JET$ AND $PACE$HIP$ - THE TRUE CEO.

THE DJ$ DJ: NOT A KING, THAT$ J, NOR A PRINCE... JU$T ANOTHER KID "KID A-KRON" HARNE$$ING MI$$ING 90$ ENERGY like GOKU MEET$ Mario with Luigi height, OPTIMU$ PRIME TECH, and MA$TER CHEIF "KEEF" ARMOR, MEET$ GI ARTI$T $WAG, VIP HUMBLE LOVE AND KIND - AUTHENTIC, GOOD AND BAD.. CHOO$E$ LIGHT -

LOOKING FOR BA$IC$, QUEEN, FAM, FAITH, FRIEND$, LIVE HEADLINE $HOW$ ACRO$$ EARTH AND GALAXY.. NORMAL THING$. BED BY 10, TOILET $EAT DOWN, FLOWER$ FOR NO REA$ON, DOING HER LAUNDRY, CLEANING HER SH!T UP (AND NOT COMPLAINING). *NOTE: YACHT$, JET$, $HARING WEALTH, CREATING "LA KA$A" AND HELPING YOUTH, HOPELESS, and HELPLESS - $ENDING LA $UN GLOBALLY, INTER-GALATIC!

Two LA stars.

Tay Tay meets Trav energy. Nashville soul to Midwest charm. Behind-the-scenes magic. "No doubts, she's cooler than Gwen."

The internet is invited to help unite them. To witness something good. To make John Cusack energy real in 2026.

Because why not?

Join in. The game is yours too.

FOLLOW ON $OCIAL, PO$T, RE-$HARE, HELP CREATE... THE JOY^10x

THE DJ$ DJ: $OHO HOU$E $TORIES

NOTE: HARRY STYLES, HANNAH MONTANA AKA MILEY, BIEB$, HAILEY, MEG$, MGK, JA$ON SEGAL, YE... WHO IS THE DJ$ DJ? - NOT MADE UP, THIS IS REAL: THE HUMAN$ HUMAN.. WALKING AMONG THE "CELEB$" - THE ACTOR$ ACTOR: SRY LEO, YOU CAN JOIN THE MEMBERTRIP TOO.

GOAL: THE VIP, QUEEN (AND ALL GIRL$ EVERYWHERE, AND BOY$, WHOEVER: ALL).. MAINLY THE QUEEN$ QUEEN: 

• OVERWHELMED...
  

• SHOCKED.. QUESTIONS: SANITY? "IS THIS REAL?" "WAIT, WHAT"

• IS THIS CREEPY? MAYBE, IG IS CREEPY. "WHY YOU FOLLOW MY STORIES? WHY THE CLUES? WHY YOU SO SEXY AND KIND?" *RADIOHEAD - CREEP sang about this, FYI (NEED A SONG?)

• NO, ITS LOVE: STRANGE "GOOD" THINGS... TEENAGE LOVE, HOLLYWOOD MOVE, EVOLVED 1776 TYPE SH!T. ROMANCE BACK IN BUSINESS.

• TAY TAY and TRAV ENERGY.. MAYBE BETTER? NO, JUST DIFFERENT.

• SHE.. "GETS IT".. MELTS, DANCES, CRIES (JOY OF COURSE, NO SADNESS, ONLY JOY), JUMPS, CALLS FRIENDS, YELLS, TWIRLS... MELTS AGAIN (NEW SONG COMES ON... SHE DIGS IT, LAUGHS, CRIES... HATES ME, THEN LOVES ME EVEN MORE... LIKE GOING "VON DEEPER" (DJ HANZEL TYPE SHIT, BUT BETTER) - and... BREATHES, MAYBE NEEDS A DRINK?

• WAIT.. DOES SHE CALL? TEXT? IG? NOTE: GIRLS, PLZ PLZ (LIKE SABRINA, WE NEED SABS HELPING, AND ELLA + HANNAH MONTANA AND LIZZIE, THE POWER PUFF GIRLS - EVEN THE POWER RANGERS
  WARNING: THE QUEEN$ QUEEN... IS DANGEROUSLY HOT: BE CAREFUL (HENCE WHY WE NEED ALL SUPPORT FROM THE LOVERS, APRIL FOOLS? NO! APRIL LOVES.. HEALS.. FOREVER. 100%. NO DOUBTS. GAME OVER.

• WE NEED HER TO.. BE SOOO HAPPY... THE WORLD GLOW$ - NA$A CAN VIEW IT FROM OUTER $PACE!

• NOTE: IF SHE IS REALLY REALLY HAPPY, BECAUSE ITS DONE, PICKED (NOW THE HARD PART - MAKING SURE I DON'T FUCK IT UP, GOOD THING I GOT EXP (LIKE MASTER CHEIF) FROM NOT BEING GOOD (WARNING: SORRY TO ALL LADYS, GIRLS, FRIENDS... I SUCKED, I COULD HAVE BEEN BETTER, YOU AS WELL, AMNESTY - BUT TRULY, SRY. FROM ALL BOYS/MEN THAT SUCK (WE LOOK UP TO GOOD ONES, I'm JUST GROWING UP - MANY GOOD MEN BEFORE ME, THANK Y'ALL BADASSES.) - EVERYONE DESERVES TO FIND THEIR PERSON, SOME JUST GOTTA WORK HARD (I'M PICKY, BUT WHEN I KNOW, I KNOW, YA KNOW?)
• IF SHE IS BEYOND HAPPY - LIKE CALL DAD AND CRY.. TOO MANY "INBOUND TEXTS AND DM$" THAT SHE CAN'T PROCESS... SO WHAT DOES SHE DO?
• CALL/TEXT/FACETIME - KEEP IT SIMPLE (MONO Y MONO, BABE. JUST CHILLIN, WORKING - YOU CAN TELL, RIGHT? WE GOT A BRAND TO BUILD... FANS ARE COUNTING ON US! NEW ALBUMS, DANCES, SHOWS... LIKE WE GOTTA GET TO WORK!) 

• OH.. AND WE... TRAVEL EARTH, HEADLINE FESTS, GOLF/TENNIS ALL OVER, HELP CHARITY 100X MORE, CHILL, DO NOTHING/EVERYTHING, HIT HOME DEPOT B/C WE ARE NORMAL TOO, AND LIKE... INSPIRE PEOPLE? GIVE HOPE? SOMETHING FUN? A STORY FOR THE REST OF OUR LIVES... ALWAYS REMINDING HOW: YOU MAKE ME FEEL...

WARNING: THIS IS NOT EVEN 10% OF HOW I FEEL.. like no words... none. HENCE: THE DJ$ DJ had to FINALLY SHOW UP, WE FOUND OUR QUEEN, AND - THIS IS THE PROCESS.

ENJOY THE REAL-TIME ENTERTAINMENT THAT IS DIFFERENT, NOT BETTER. ACROSS SOCIAL, DIGITAL, ANALOG, and REAL LIFE: YEP! REAL LIFE, BACK TO COMMON SENSE.

ROBOTS ARE NOT WINNING. HUMANS WIN. DAFT PUNK KNEW IT ALL ALONG.

SPREAD THE LOVE: START WITH APOLLO 19: $UN KIND-A HERO (BUILD TOWARD$ APRIL LOVE$... IT'S A GRAND DESIGN: HUMAN BOT$.

CAN YOU $POT THE CLUE$? DO YOU "KNOW" WHO THE QUEEN$ QUEEN IS?